Devastation ties to grief
as this pain grows deep.
I feel it in my bones,
thought I could fill you with hope,
now I’m alone.
It’s hard to grasp the time we’re here.
At some points we make connections as
goodbyes are near.
cause I know I’m unprepared
for this goodbye I’ll have to endure.
I hate living in fear,
plus my destination is unclear.
Each day we take for granted,
thinking it’s debts were owed.
Thinking we’re the kings in these lives we hold.
We face the truth as it’s hard and cold,
but we have yet to gain control.
Grief is steady and it feels like I’ll fold
under pressure cause I know
the act is getting old.
Ships are sinking,
people jumping abroad.
Is this the life that we aim to embrace?
These fake smiles and lies pain paints upon our face?
I recall our time together,
grief still nears,
brings about tense emotion
and subtle tears.
Emotions are brief.
There were days your pain spoke the loudest,
still I never judged you,
understood the burden to hold,
plus I have demons too.
Still, we sit on thrones.
Reflect at how much we’ve grown.
Let insecurity lead, it’s an opportunity blown.
As your palms unwind, I take full portions.
Life has escaped your touch.
I lay in tears and beg for more.
One word, one look as
hearts fold in laps.
This battle is looking gruesome,
feels like I’m losing.
It’s the pain of not having you here,
it clings to me like bruised skin.
Even in my grief, my pain is unspoken.
I smiled yesterday,
felt your sun rays upon my face.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt your affection
and in that moment, it felt like we were in the right places.
Regrets for a moment’s time,
Nights I begged your trauma would do the same.
Those little heartstrings
were running for miles,
trying to outcry your heartbeats.
Is this the peace you wanted?
Have you found a resting place?
Has your spirit found forgiveness
for all your past mistakes?
Even in the midst of our trauma,
We emerge from pain,
small victory, still its celebrated.
We raise lanterns and look up to the sky where you’ve elevated.
I still pay you visits when I feel a disconnection,
I promise I come in peace.
The moment I’m next to you,
these worries flee.
You’ve spent too many days in this dead space.
At any point this war should cease,
end with apologies that unveil
our most fragile piece.
sits at the center of both you and me.
Our biggest burden, our missing piece.
I’m forgone in times like these.
My heart only pumps to relieve
that lays between you and me.
Left me pondering
what caused you to leave.
Conflict only fed your defeat.
I never judged you,
only aware you needed space to breathe.
It always amazed me how
your thoughts could kidnap
the most innocent being.
Took the confidence from under your feet.
So you planted all of your hope
Days pass where it felt like greed.
How misery became your sponsor
and left no space for me.
Suddenly words were sparse,
then I couldn’t find the human being.
I ponder how I must carry
two burdens of a broken heart
and only one beats.
It weighs on me so heavily.
In dark times like these, I ask of you
show up with the ones who loved me,
the ones I miss to this day.
Don’t leave an empty seat.
When the time has come to meet,
bring me affirmations crafted from the words you speak.
Build me up when I’m weak.
I’ll cherish the times we were so unapologetic and
loved without a cause.
The nights we planned for a marriage and children running down these halls.
The scriptures tell me good things come to those that wait,
and believe me, I will.
I’ll wait from this lifetime to the next
to see the big reveal.
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